i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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