My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
