she woke up with a sticky ear
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
