You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
