Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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