dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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