Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
