You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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