If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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