Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
