my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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