I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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