this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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