we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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