Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh god it's open bar.
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