Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
