hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
