Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
