i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
