life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
