I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
