i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize