oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
