Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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