The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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