if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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