she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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