Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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