I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
