anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
