I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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