but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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