just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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