I think my fart just growled at me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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