He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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