my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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