Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
