i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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