once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
