remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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