There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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