I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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