Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
