look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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