I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
