The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
