Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
