This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
