1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
this is an emotional support booty call
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
