I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
