dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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