i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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