I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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