i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
