What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
