how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
