I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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