tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just pee around me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
