Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
